Jason Friedbarg and Aaron Seltzer, the writer/director duo that created Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans, have directed yet another dud with Vampires Suck. If you missed out on the first three movies, Friedberg and Seltzer made and still need to set a baseline on a 1-to-10 scale for what a bad movie is? Vampires Suck is that baseline.
This is probably the longest 82 minutes I’ve ever had to endure—longer than that commute home, the last class before summer break, longer than watching the Daytona 500. After the opening scene, I knew I was in for an arduous viewing.
The parody duo’s latest foray into spoofdom pokes fun at the wildly popular Twilight movie franchise, particularly the first two in the series. The majority of the jokes rely on the audience’s familiarity with the teen vamps. You should be able to recognize some of the scenes from previews alone, but for the most part if you haven’t seen the Twilight movies, these jokes will go right over your head. Several scenes are laced with gags referring to contemporary reality TV and teenybopper shows, from Gossip Girl to Jersey Shore.
Fans of over-the-top physical and prop comedy may enjoy Vampires Suck, but the target audience definitely appears to be teenagers, as the movie is filled with exaggerated high school stereotypes.
Not a Twilight groupie? Then make sure you avoid this piece of cinema like the plague—too bad I couldn’t.
PG-13; 82 min.
