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The Arab Spring Begins
In a world-shaking development, a surge of politically minded uprisings begin in the Arab world, proving that Facebook and Twitter have more international influence than the Obama administration. American Idol‘s new season starts a week or so later.
Google No Longer Requires Adult Supervision
Facebook IPO Talk
A new IPO bubble begins with chatter about a possible Facebook IPO. Each user account would be valued at more than $100, giving the company a value of at least $50 billion. Though users, naturally, will not be seeing a dime of it.
Vengeance and Caffeine
Frustrated with the justice system’s inability to bring his sister’s killer to justice, Wayne Sanchez shoots Maurice Nasmeh to death inside a Peet’s Coffee on Saratoga Avenue. Sanchez then kills himself in the parking lot. In August, District Attorney Jeff Rosen announced his conclusion that Nasmeh had indeed killed Jeanine Harms in 2001, though it was too late to put him on trial.
Google Plans to Hire 6,000 Humans
The news of excessive human hiring promptly ignites a machine recession, leading to a series of toaster occupations and a confused UC Davis police officer to pepper spray his blender.
UCSC Astronomers Find A New Galaxy
A press release eventually clarifies that the astronomers were actually metaphorically describing the process of listening to the Grateful Dead.
HP Reviews Handling of Mark Hurd’s Dismissal
After its stock tanked and Oracle hired Mark Hurd, the board wonders if its firing was an overreaction, considering that at this point spending money on cheesy blondes is a bit of a clich–.
Crime Wave
After a string of more than 20 robberies, it’s officially a 30-year high for armed robbery in Palo Alto, giving the descriptive phrase used most often to describe Palo Altoans—”Stuck Up”—a horrifyingly literal meaning.
