If the wedding day is an indication of what the marriage is going to be like, then, my friend, you are doomed. I get that your fiancée wants everything to be perfect (which in my experience is a sure way for the day to devolve into chaos) but a big part of achieving wedding day nirvana is attitude. So if you’re neurotic, rude, inconsiderate, and just overall bitchy it metastasizes to your wedding party, your wedding guests and even to the decorations. If you’re a grump on “the happiest day of your life” then even the floral centerpieces seem to wilt. Alas, that frown never turned upside down. The ceremony started 45 minutes late because the sun wasn’t set perfectly behind the altar. Then, after you demand the guests talk amongst themselves in the 100 degree heat with no shade or refreshments, you extended the post-ceremony photoshoot. It get better! You also surprised us with a TBD reception location, which turned out to be in Morgan Hill—almost an hour away from where the ceremony took place in Santa Cruz. Cherry on top? It was a dry wedding because—“ANNOUNCEMENT TIME!”—in an attempt to lose weight to fit into your dress, you’ve been sober the last 30 days and figured, “why not keep it going?!” No wonder you’re so uptight.
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