The cultural divide between kids and their immigrant parents is as common a topic in stand-up comedy as sex and weed jokes. It’s the basis of N.Y.-based comedian Abby Govindan’s one-woman show, How to Embarrass Your Immigrant Parents, which she brings to San Jose Improv on Feb. 20.
At only 27, Govindan is already on a nationwide tour, having opened for Russell Peters and Hasan Minhaj. Born in Lubbock, Texas, to Indian parents, and raised in Houston, she started doing stand-up while studying psychology at Fordham University. Govindan made her debut at the famed (now shuttered) Carolines on Broadway. She counts as comedy influences Mo Amer, Ali Wong, John Mulaney, Hannah Gadsby, Aparna Nancherla, Peters and especially Minhaj.
“Hasan Minhaj was really a trailblazer in a way for a comedian like me to be able to find success,” Govindan says. “He does storytelling. He does stand-up comedy. And he does them so well. He holds these silences and takes the audience on uncomfortable journeys, and he leads them to places emotionally that are just so raw, unique and creative.”
Govindan says she found performing on stage therapeutic after experiencing a bad breakup and surviving a suicide attempt.
“In my darkest moments growing up and being in college, I really turned to comedy as a means of coping,” Govindan says. “It felt like the comedians were my friends helping me through when I didn’t feel like I could turn to anyone.”
In 2022, she wrote an article titled “Tips on How to Disappoint Your Immigrant Parents Without Trying” for the online newsletter of Malala Yousefzai, the Pakistani activist and Nobel Prize winner. In it, she lists as examples “date non-Indian boys,” “date Indian boys,” “study psychology in college” and “dislike the way coconut tastes.”
Govindan turned the essay into a one-hour show, using texts and emails between her and her parents to crack wise about their family dynamics. It’s directed by Greg Walloch, who also directed Minhaj’s Netflix special, Homecoming King, and produced by Daniel Sloss, the Scottish comedian who starred in his own Netflix specials, DARK and Jigsaw.
When Govindan broke the news of her stand-up dreams to her parents, they were initially less than enthusiastic, a typical response from older-generation immigrants who’d rather see their children pursue more profitable professions. But Govindan insists she refrains from disparaging them in her comedy.
“My show is about how I told my parents I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, how our relationship fell apart because of it, and how we built our relationship back up after my brief sit in a mental hospital,” says Govindan. “I make fun of my parents, but I also talk about the ways in which they stumbled and fell, and how at every point they were just trying their best to understand me. And once I granted them that grace, it was a lot more peaceful for me in my life.
“These are not just my silly immigrant parents. They are complex beings that I reduced to one-dimensional characters. They’re two people who were figuring life out for the first time, just like I am. They were brought up in a completely different cultural context than I am, and I think that I do them a great disservice if I just keep making them the villains in my story,” she says.
Govindan is taking her show to London and Sydney, Australia. Ultimately, she’d like to perform in India so she can “give insight into the Indian-American experience.”
“I carry so much pride in my South Asian heritage,” Govindan says. “I want to change the conversation around immigrant kids and their parents. A lot of people share with me after my shows about how validating it is to see me talk about my mental health on stage. A lot of them are other South Asian people who tell me about their own struggles with mental health and their own experiences in the hospital. Storytelling is a means of connecting with audiences, and previous comedians have changed my life for the better. They were vulnerable on stage, and I want to be able to carry that torch. At the end of the day, my job is to get on stage and make people laugh. But I also want to make people think, ‘Wow, she really made me feel a lot of emotions today.’ Those are the shows that had the biggest impact on me. So I really want to do something that has that kind of an impact on the audience.”
Abby Govindan performs at 8pm on Feb 20 at San Jose Improv, 62 S. 2nd St., San Jose. Tickets: $31.14–$83.16. improv.com/sanjose
