To the employee at the UHaul, Mr. Thinks He's Bad-Ass-Ghetto with white Kanye West sunglasses and Raiders cap: you must thrive on the excitement of climbing into a rental after use to score any possessions left behind—it's the American Dream. I'm sure the reason you skipped high school to make minimum wage at UHaul was the added bonus of stealing any items left behind by the customers. And I'm sure that because you are poor you think you deserved the iPhone you stole out of the truck we returned. After all, us middle-income people don't deserve the items we work our asses off for, and actually, we only acquire stuff so it can be stolen from us by people like you.

Here are the kickers. We know you took it because it automatically connected to the 30-foot-range Bluetooth inside of our vehicle, which was still within the compound. We were receiving calls while we investigated the area for the phone. The footage on the camera shows you getting in and out of the truck. The officer who took the report has said that this is not the first time he has received this kind of call; all noted in the glorious police report we will be submitting to your bosses, regional and corporate. And lastly, and this is the fun one; once that phone dies, even if you charge it, it will be locked forever because you have no password to get through to the main screen. And even if you reset it, the phone has been reported stolen.

I hope that stealing a phone you can't even use was worth your job, your record and your integrity.

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