For many people, the arrival of Cupid conjures up thoughts of love and romance. That nonsense isn’t for me, so I typically contemplate the miracle of dark chocolate.
This year, however, I decided to look into the hoopla about this crazy little thing called love. My investigation led me to three fascinating couples. Not only has each pair been together for decades, these fine folks also allowed me to grill them endlessly about their successful relationships.
While the couples are quite different, sometimes I felt like I was in an echo chamber during my interviews with them. Each person mentioned that their partner is their best friend. Sharing the same sense of humor ranked high on the ingredient list for each of the long love affairs. By pursuing individual interests, away from their mate, they have kept their relationships fresh.
But growing together might be the key. Although couples drift apart somewhat in the ebb and flow of their relationships, consciously pulling back to center—to each other—helps ensure endless love.
Swiss Miss
First up is a writer for Weeklys, the media group behind Metro Silicon Valley. Howard Rachelson and wife Evi will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary in August.
The Bay Area couple met through a mutual friend in 1971, when Evi was on a solo trip to America from her native Switzerland. She was given Howard Rachelson’s phone number and called him out of the blue to ask if she could stay with him at his apartment in Washington, D.C. He agreed.
Fortune, they say, brought them together, but they’ve learned some secrets during the last 430,000 hours about staying that way. The Rachelsons simply don’t argue about minor issues.
“We feel the same way a lot, and when we don’t, we discuss and come to a reasonable conclusion,” Howard says.
Neither is judgmental or critical of their spouse. Instead, they focus on the good in each other.
“We’ve been married a long time and I still learn new positive things about Howard,” Evi says.
Dance Lessons
Jeffrey McLaughlin and Jerome Pinkett fell in love dancing the night away at a club in San Mateo 37 years ago. They closed the bar down that evening and then went to a restaurant for breakfast, where they talked for hours.
Within two weeks, they were officially a couple. Sure, they were young, McLaughlin 22 and Pinkett 26, but they just knew they were meant to be together. They married nine years ago.
Jeffrey says their relationship challenges the “opposites attract” theory because they are alike. Both come from large families, have the same spiritual beliefs and similar intellects.
Pinkett also attributes the endurance of their bond to their mutual respect and many common interests, including hiking, gardening and their love of beautiful clothes. His best advice to couples is to listen to one another.
“And forgive,” McLaughlin adds.
Date Night
Although Karen Hirst and Liz Rigali became an item in 1995, they didn’t move in together until 2018.
“We think living apart as long as we did is one of the secrets to our long-lasting relationship,” Karen says.
This fun-loving Northern California couple is often separated. Rigali, who is retired, travels extensively. Hirst, an actress and teacher, still works.
Whether together or not, they committed to maintaining the romance in their relationship. Before Rigali left on a trip to Africa, she wrote letters to Hirst and had a friend mail them out day by day during her absence.
“Couples should keep their imagination,” Rigali advises. “I think imagination is so important.”
Neither Hirst nor Rigali take each other for granted. They still dine at home together with candles lit—like it’s a date.
