THE HAPPY SIDE of being a pop-culture buff is just sitting still and waiting for something you're crazy about to come back. For lifelong 007 fans, the end of 2006 is everything they asked for; the maximum coolness of Daniel Craig's 007 bringing back yet another revival of Bond style for New Year's Eve.
Scouring the Internet, one finds Bond New Year's Eve celebrations all over the Northern Hemisphere, including the Bay Area (see list below). Jurys Washington Hotel in D.C. has a James Bond "Thunderball: Licensed to Thrill for Your Eyes Only ... Stop by Casino Royale and chitchat about 007 trivia with other players. ... So, whether you're the MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN or a dazzling lady with GOLDEN EYES, we have something for you!" The Penthouse in Vancouver has a Bond theme night. And if you're in Edmonton, Dante's Bistro is having a Bond and Bondette costume party. (New Year's Eve in Edmonton, Alberta—it could happen to the best of us.)
Party 411.com has a just three-millimeters-from-The Onion set of Bond Party tips, including putting "From Russia, With Love" on the return address of the invitation. Sadly, it counsels placing a festive sign reading "You only live twice, so eat up!" next to the snacks. Which is bad enough, but they also suggest setting up a cut-out head of Dr. No next to the bar warning "No drinking and driving!"
To prepare for that level of gaucheness, it might be appropriate to patronize Buycostumes.com, which can sell you a plastic fedora for $1.99, headgear last seen on 007 in, let's see, 1964.
If trapped in bad circumstances, bring your own swank. If offered a martini "Shaken not stirred" (for the excellent reason that it never mixes quite right, try it and you'll see ...) baffle the person who thinks they've got Roger Moore on their hands and ask for different Bond cocktail: straight vodka with a pinch of pepper in the top.
"It's a trick the Russians taught me that time you attached me to the Embassy in Moscow," apologized Bond. "There's quite often a lot of fusel oil on the surface of this stuff—at least there used to be when it was badly distilled. Poisonous. In Russia, where you get a lot of bathtub liquor, it's an understood thing to sprinkle a little pepper in your glass. It takes the fusel oil to the bottom. I got to like the taste of it and now it's a habit. ..." Memorize the above monologue from the novel Moonraker, and see if anyone buys it. People gauche enough to paste an anti-drinking and driving warning next to their bar might well be just that credulous.
Buddha Lounge "NYE 007: License to Party." With all-night champagne, go-go dancers, a Bond Girl contest, party favors and dancing to DJ Remedy. 251 Castro St., Mountain View. 650.969.4VIP.
Mighty "Seismic 007: A James Bond NYE." Featuring DJs Murphstar, Brad Robinson, Samira, Trav, Jive, Jayo and others. Come dressed as your favorite Bond character, Bond girl or villain. 9pm-5am. $30-$60. 119 Utah St., San Francisco. 415.626.7001.
New Year's Eve 2007: The Sequel
This year's event features a James Bond espionage theme, with casino gaming tables, hosted bar, appetizers, DJs and dancing. 9pm-3am. $100 and up. Gift Center Pavilion, 888 Brannan St., San Francisco. 212.843.2400.
The Saddle Rack "Secret Agents Only." Details are confidential. $30/$45. 42011 Boscell Rd., Fremont. 510.979.0477.
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